the damage of the guttural consonant

someone once said to me about his life that almost nothing is always happening

that about sums up the displacement of ennui-laden contemporary living

is that why people go on acid trips, have torrid affairs or engage in secret habits, subtle and controlled self destructions in doses that are immediately gratifying but not fatal

your life is a placid pool and you don't know if you are seeing the wrong people because you are in love with them or simply because they are wrong

last night i saw a familiar face as i was coming out of the glass doors
and he looked at me with stop-moment shock registered on his beautiful face
at that moment, i believed he had something to tell me
it died the moment he opened his mouth
and i realized the reason why he looked familiar was that he's a deejay
you see we live in an age whereby we are attacked with images of media hoaders daily and everyone can have their extended warholian fame
and modern romantic intrigues last no more than a mere 3 seconds before the mechanisms of the human soul seeks to do something about the intrigue
that's the damage of the guttural consonant

a friend once passed me a short story by muriel sparks
the protagonist was being used by her friend for self delusions of her marriage
she and her husband found it easier to keep the appearance of the perfect marriage only in the protagonist's presence
she knew they were using her yet she still returned to them
the part that struck me was this though-
she had 3 affairs and each time she had to called them off as she realized she had no inclination towards conducting a romantic affair
she thought she might be homosexual but upon self-investigation, wrote that off
initially she could psyched herself into getting excited about someone
she realized her affairs were attempts to make up for her sexlessness
after the third, she came to terms that there was nothing she could do about that lack of sexual interest afterall