the lower notes of the recital

the lows are getting lower
how long can this go on?
i am going to be 30 next year
time to go
high time to go

we stood watching disturbing pictures in silence
what disturbs me is a very private thing
that i cannot share with you
so standing with you
i am irrevocably alone
listening to a private recital

' what's on your mind?'
if i look into your eyes will you see through me
if you hold me close enough will the light go out
in my private hell
in the consultation room
i believed for a while i would be well again
perhaps it was my doctor's voice or eyes
that we would work together for me to get well
perhaps the hospital is true to their vision, mission

perhaps you could knock the breath out of me
shovelling the sand on me later on
i read about this man whose cat died
he put it in a kinokuniya bag
drove to somewhere quiet and buried it
shovelling, the sound of sand, or mud, hitting the plastic bag
above ground, birds were chirping

kipper in the bag, that was the cat's name,
body stiff as a starched collar, as a cold turkey
what was kipper thinking about
when the sand hit the bag
what was i thinking about
can kipper hear the birds chirping

he began to cry driving his way back

to society